2011 off to a bad start

2009 and 2010 were pretty rough years for me and so far, 2011 holds little promise for anything better. On January 11 my Grandfather, Bill Gordon, passed from this life after 92 years. He was a simple, honset, decent man. A farmer his entire life, he also worked at other jobs off the farm at times to help his family along. He had an eight grade education and good common sense and they served him well. Grandpa was highly respected and well-liked by everyone that knew him. I don't believe he had an enemy his entire life. He and Grandmother, Wilma, were married 70 years before her death in 2008. He wasn't the same after she was gone, he missed her terribly. I'm going to miss him a lot. I spent many hours as a young guy working beside him on some project on the farm or simply tagging along behind, just wanting to be with him and be like him.

A few days ago my daughter, Jill, sent me a text message to let me know she's getting married. She plans to marry Alex Whorton, a kid she went to school with. I suppose most times news like this would be welcome news of a happy event. She obviously holds her dad in high esteem, electing to tell me by text message instead of in person. I haven't heard a word from Alex about this either, I guess he doesn't have the balls to talk to me at all. I'm thoroughly pissed about the whole thing. Alex was always a moron in school and she complained without end about how annoying and dumb he was. They've never dated and she only sees him every few months when he's home from the Army. Obviouly a strong foundation for a lasting relationship, right? Her justification, as far as I can tell, is that they're friends and he likes Jackson.

Jill has a poor track record with decision making. She is stubborn and foolish, and she absolutely refuses to hear any view other than her own. At the same time, she never misses an opportunity to tell others what they should do or think. I'm in a bad spot here because while I have several serious reservations and concerns about this marriage, along with a good many questions, I can't say anything to her. If I express ANY opinion or offer any sort of argument against this plan of hers it will only spur her to action. She's exactly like her mom...tell her somethings a bad idea and she'll move heaven and earth to do it just to show you that she's gonna do what she wants and nobody can tell her what to do. I'm absolutely convinced that if I said she shouldn't put her hand in a pot of boiling water or she'll be burned she would do it just to teach me a lesson.

My only real option is to just ignore it all, and her, and let her do as she pleases. Unfortunately, Jackson has to go along for the ride on this fools roller coaster. I couldn't stand the idea of him suffering because she's an idiot.

sick of it

I'm sick of it all. All of it. I keep finding ways to make more people mad and make more enemies all the time. I don't seek to do this, I'm just too damn dumb to keep from it. Lots of folks are mad at me around here. I'm thinking of moving away. It's been home for years and there are people here I really care about but it's just not worth it anymore. My kids are all out on their own and doing ok so they don't need me much. my grandson is fun but I hardly see him. I think my best friends are mad at me. They don't answer when I call or return my calls. Don't know what's going on there. I hope they're just busy and not upset with me. That would be the end. I think a change of scenery is what I need. New place, new people, new work, new everything.

25

This past wednesday, July 21, would have been my 25th wedding anniversary. Only missed it by 7 years. Don't give it much thought nowadays. Occasionally it comes to mind but I can never sort out what I remember and what I think about it all. I had high ideals, like we all do, and I watched it all fall flat. My grandma complains all the time about how terrible it was for her to loose Grandpa. I agree that I really miss him, but at least she doesn't have to see him all the time. I'm happy now, more than I was the last couple of years I was married and I stop once in a while and think about what happened. I gave up trying to find ways to place blame. I am certain I have as much fault, if not more, for the way it went. There were so many things that went wrong that just kept building and piling up that it's hard to remember all of it.

My big regret is for what it did to my kids. They both had to grow up far faster than was right or fair. I'm still not sure they made a decent adjustment. I hope with time they can be healed and that it won't affect any relationships they have.

and so it goes....

And so it goes.... Summer continues. Lot's of changes around here lately. Jake has moved to Lincoln to start school. He has an apartment near the school and seems to enjoy his situation. I hope he will continue to feel that way about it and that he'll be very sucessful in his studies. I really miss him. The house isn't home without my kids around. Jill is doing good, starting paramedic training soon and Jack is growing up. He started a new daycare recently and will go to pre-school soon. He's really a funny, funny little boy. He keeps us all on guard all the time with his observations and questions.

My cousin, Kathy, got married to Jeff Conner a few weeks ago. They seem very happy and I think they are good for, and to, each other. I'm not seeing anyone and not looking for anyone either. I have decided I am better off alone. I have some terrific friends and a great family and that's good the way it is. If God has different plans for me they will be revealed in His time.

Lot's of things going on in the world latley. None too good. Obama is beginning to show his true colors and the American public is starting to see him for the communist that he is. I'm still fighting for the right to be a real pain to those who feel they are in "power". The windmill fight is picking up again and I'm in conversation with the NAACP about who the racists REALLY are. The president of that organization wrote me personally to argue his case. I was surprised such a highly placed figure would care about the views of a very ordinary, white, middle-aged man from the midwest.

Still fooling with the damn doctors about my injuries. My wrist is doing well. My shoulder is starting to be less painful and maybe a bit stronger, hard to tell. My neck is still giving me trouble and the headaches are wearisome. I can't seem to get anyone to give it any time. I go back in August, maybe then. I'm tired of being in pain, tired of being off work, and tired of being at the mercy of some bimbo at an insurance company in Iowa for my livlihood. It's been over a year now. Why they can't seem to work on more than one thing at a time is beyond me.

I know God has a plan for me. I wish I was wise enough to figure it out. It's hard to hold on to my faith when things start to pile up. I hope He forgives my unfaithfulness.

Bummed out

I have begun to lose heart. So many disappointments this past three months. It all adds up and piles up and keeps me down. First, on July 14th I fell at work and hurt myself. My shoulder, arm and hand on the right side were very sore. My hand felt like it was being shocked and my shoulder really bothered me. After a few days my neck began to become stiff, sore, and very painful. This has been worse than all the rest. I keep going to doctors, having tests, filling out forms, and answering the same questions over and over. The insurance people treat me like a criminal. My boss hasn't called, spoken to me or had any contact of any kind since the day after the fall. The doctors don't make sense and don't listen. Now they want to cut on me because one of them thinks that by fixing what ever it is he found in my wrist it will help my neck. I don't really believe that but I seem to have no input. My shoulder hurts when i move it in certain ways, my neck hurts all the time. The pain is an ever-present thing and it's beginning to affect me other ways. It's impossible to sleep with the discomfort.

My political aspirations have fallen apart as well. I really liked the things I was doing with the Constitution Party and the people there. We had a common vision for our nation and common dreams of freedom and liberty being restored. They really let me down. They left me hang out to dry. Gary and I had several things planned to boost membership and enjoy fellowship with our party faithful. I spent three and a half days sitting in a booth to pass out information and speak with interested passers-by at a fair. We asked for support from our members to help man this booth. One woman said she would take a couple of hours in the middle of a day, no real relief there. Not one other response. Two weeks after this debacle Gary had planned a celebration in a city park to honor CONSTITUTION DAY. He had games, speakers, musicians, and a full day of fellowship and raising awareness for our fellow Americans. Some of us were to announce candidacies for state offices. The planning began three months before the event. Aside from Gary, the performers, and I only two other party members showed up. It was a complete embarassment. More Republicans were there than CPer's. I invited our state representative, sent letters to local churches, wrote newspaper editors, and contacted the St. Joe television station. The state rep and his staff came, the U.S. Congressman sent a representative, the TV station showed up. More musicians showed up than CP members. I felt terrible for Gary. He invested time and money and the party just forgot him. I decided that if they can't show support for their own and take time to support these functions and their own candidates they don't need me. I don't need them.

On top of all this, Jake is getting the Senior Itch. He's becoming a pain-in-the-rear about letting me know where he is, what's going on, and when it's happening. I do have Jackson to bring me joy. He is a delight. He's three and very much the little boy. I don't get to see him as often as I want. I see Jill less than I'd like, too.

I want to start working with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and I want to work with my friend, Greg, on the Personhood Missouri movement but I just don't feel any desire to do anything anymore. I'm lonely, but I just want to be left alone, too. Ever feel that way?

Proud to be an American

It does my heart good to see so many Americans so involved in the recent government health care debate. All these 'Town Hall' meetings being held by congressmen to sell the 'plan' are filled with people who aren't buying it. I watched Senator Arlen Specter holding his meeting on the news yesterday. Those folks were merciless. They asked tough, well thought out questions. They insisted on answers, too. The good senator from Pennsylvania, a state I consider part of the cradle of American liberty, handled himself like the professional politician he is. He can stradle the fence, juggle the facts, change the subject, and dodge the bullet like a professional.

The real benefit, of course, to all these disruptive proceedings is that it's making people aware of the notion that's it's good to question everything in government. People who would never think to doubt what their liberal representatives do and say are seeing that these political hacks don't stand up to scrutiny. When the real tough questions are asked there are no answers. Folks are beginning to see what sort of criminals we have sent to Washington and given unbridled power to. I say criminals because that's what they are. If I abused the trust of friends, co-workers, and associates I'd be taking up residence at some penitentiary somewhere. They steal our money and use it for illegal purposes, or waste it. They have no idea what it takes to make a living out here in the world. Most are lawyers and career politicians who've never done an honest days work in their lives. They bat around billions of daollars like swatting so many flies.

Folks are beginning to wake up, question, the "facts" they're being fed, and not liking what they find. Obama's populartiy, credibility, and veracity are falling at an amazing rate. People no longer blindly follow and simply accept what ever the elite want to feed them. The questions being asked are real tough ones. It's fun to watch these political masters flounder and I hope I see a lot more of it. We have not only the right but, the obligation to be informed, ask our questions, and express our opinions and demand real representation from our elected. If we can't have these things we have another obligation...to REPLACE these elected officials.

Two questions I haven't seen anyone ask are what I feel are among the most important if we want to get down to the real bone of the health care carcass. First, What is the motivation for a congressman to support government health care when it's obvious that so many citizens don't want it? Second, and most important, what constitutional authority does congress have to act in this way?

Ask these questions and insist on answers.

Faithful

I pray God has richly blessed you since I last wrote. Last night I atended a meeting of the Buchanan County, Missouri chapter of the Constitution Party of Missouri. I've been there before and really enjoyed being in the company of those fine folks. What I find with them is a group of truly patriotic American men and women. Folks who want a better, safer, more citizen friendly America for their families to live in. They seek a return to a constitutionally administered, limited government of the people, for the people. With our federal government running rough-shod over the rights and liberites of the people we need folks that are unafraid to stand up and say, "Enough is enough". So many of the activities our representatives in DC are engaged in to "Help the American citizen" are unlawful, unconstitutional, and contrary to the law of the Creator of our universe that one wonders who, exactly, they are serving.

A few examples may be in order here so I'll start with the real 'Hot Button' issues in the news. Health Care is an important issue to all of us to be sure. The federales, and Obama, have decided it's in their province to solve the problem. Their solution is more government involvement, regulation, oversight, and interference. This is supposed to lower the cost of care, raise the quality, and increase availability. I can't see how. It doesn't pass the "Make sense" test for me. It seems to me these things will ADD to the cost of care, interfere with the quality of care, and remove incentive for research and discovery of new treatments and drugs. You want an example? The communists cant get it done with socialized medicine. Part of the problem with health care is coming from the litigious society we live in. When a doctor has to come up with $175,000 in malpractice insurance premiums before he even opens a practice, he's going to be expensive to see. I don't know if tort reform is the answer here or the removal of liberal, activist judges. To sue for every missed diagnosis seeking enough money to live the rest of your life in luxury seems absurd, especially when the lawyers walk away with all the money anyway.

Immigration is another hot topic in America today. We need to close the borders, deport the illegally present people, eliminate the birth right citizenship for children of illegals born here, and stop extending aid from every government agency to help these people stay here. After all these things are in place and functioning, then we need to look at opening immigration to those who want to come here seeking our way of life. Those willing to learn our language and culture. Those who want to contribute to improving America should always be welcome, welcome to seek the American Dream.

Gun rights are a perpetual topic of debate and discussion in DC. I don't know why. The Bill of Rights is very clear on the subject. I understand that there are those who don't want guns, don't like guns, and think others should feel the same way they do. That's fine. if you can convince some that you are right, go ahead. That does not give you the right to try and take my liberties away from me. We can disagree about guns. We cannot disagree that I have the right to own them if I choose. The second amendment was intended to allow us the means to defend our liberty, our homes, and our families. It was not meant only for hunters or sportsmen.

What about state sovereignty? Do you think the individual states have any rights? I do. The Constitution of the United States grants only very few, limited powers to the federal government, reserving all powers not specifically enumerated to the feds to the states and the people. Lately, several states have joined together in raising their collective voices and telling the federal govenment "Hands Off". Alaska and Tennessee are two who have actually passed resolutions, signed by their Governors that inform the US Government that they will no longer tolerate federal involvement in state matters. God Bless them! In Tennessee the state esentially told the ATF to take a hike where ammunition and arms that are manufactured and sold in Tennessee are concerned. The argument is that if no interstate commerce is involved, no ATF oversight is involved. Of course, the ATF had an immediate response. The government agency told the people of Tennesee in an open letter that regardless of state law, the ATF regulations and federal law would be observed and enforced. I can just imagine how well THAT went over, can't you. I think that the ATF better tread very lightly in Tennessee. Lot's of hills and hollers where a person might 'get lost' and not be able to find their way out.

Enough for now, my blood pressure is getting too high.