Bummed out

I have begun to lose heart. So many disappointments this past three months. It all adds up and piles up and keeps me down. First, on July 14th I fell at work and hurt myself. My shoulder, arm and hand on the right side were very sore. My hand felt like it was being shocked and my shoulder really bothered me. After a few days my neck began to become stiff, sore, and very painful. This has been worse than all the rest. I keep going to doctors, having tests, filling out forms, and answering the same questions over and over. The insurance people treat me like a criminal. My boss hasn't called, spoken to me or had any contact of any kind since the day after the fall. The doctors don't make sense and don't listen. Now they want to cut on me because one of them thinks that by fixing what ever it is he found in my wrist it will help my neck. I don't really believe that but I seem to have no input. My shoulder hurts when i move it in certain ways, my neck hurts all the time. The pain is an ever-present thing and it's beginning to affect me other ways. It's impossible to sleep with the discomfort.

My political aspirations have fallen apart as well. I really liked the things I was doing with the Constitution Party and the people there. We had a common vision for our nation and common dreams of freedom and liberty being restored. They really let me down. They left me hang out to dry. Gary and I had several things planned to boost membership and enjoy fellowship with our party faithful. I spent three and a half days sitting in a booth to pass out information and speak with interested passers-by at a fair. We asked for support from our members to help man this booth. One woman said she would take a couple of hours in the middle of a day, no real relief there. Not one other response. Two weeks after this debacle Gary had planned a celebration in a city park to honor CONSTITUTION DAY. He had games, speakers, musicians, and a full day of fellowship and raising awareness for our fellow Americans. Some of us were to announce candidacies for state offices. The planning began three months before the event. Aside from Gary, the performers, and I only two other party members showed up. It was a complete embarassment. More Republicans were there than CPer's. I invited our state representative, sent letters to local churches, wrote newspaper editors, and contacted the St. Joe television station. The state rep and his staff came, the U.S. Congressman sent a representative, the TV station showed up. More musicians showed up than CP members. I felt terrible for Gary. He invested time and money and the party just forgot him. I decided that if they can't show support for their own and take time to support these functions and their own candidates they don't need me. I don't need them.

On top of all this, Jake is getting the Senior Itch. He's becoming a pain-in-the-rear about letting me know where he is, what's going on, and when it's happening. I do have Jackson to bring me joy. He is a delight. He's three and very much the little boy. I don't get to see him as often as I want. I see Jill less than I'd like, too.

I want to start working with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and I want to work with my friend, Greg, on the Personhood Missouri movement but I just don't feel any desire to do anything anymore. I'm lonely, but I just want to be left alone, too. Ever feel that way?