25

This past wednesday, July 21, would have been my 25th wedding anniversary. Only missed it by 7 years. Don't give it much thought nowadays. Occasionally it comes to mind but I can never sort out what I remember and what I think about it all. I had high ideals, like we all do, and I watched it all fall flat. My grandma complains all the time about how terrible it was for her to loose Grandpa. I agree that I really miss him, but at least she doesn't have to see him all the time. I'm happy now, more than I was the last couple of years I was married and I stop once in a while and think about what happened. I gave up trying to find ways to place blame. I am certain I have as much fault, if not more, for the way it went. There were so many things that went wrong that just kept building and piling up that it's hard to remember all of it.

My big regret is for what it did to my kids. They both had to grow up far faster than was right or fair. I'm still not sure they made a decent adjustment. I hope with time they can be healed and that it won't affect any relationships they have.

and so it goes....

And so it goes.... Summer continues. Lot's of changes around here lately. Jake has moved to Lincoln to start school. He has an apartment near the school and seems to enjoy his situation. I hope he will continue to feel that way about it and that he'll be very sucessful in his studies. I really miss him. The house isn't home without my kids around. Jill is doing good, starting paramedic training soon and Jack is growing up. He started a new daycare recently and will go to pre-school soon. He's really a funny, funny little boy. He keeps us all on guard all the time with his observations and questions.

My cousin, Kathy, got married to Jeff Conner a few weeks ago. They seem very happy and I think they are good for, and to, each other. I'm not seeing anyone and not looking for anyone either. I have decided I am better off alone. I have some terrific friends and a great family and that's good the way it is. If God has different plans for me they will be revealed in His time.

Lot's of things going on in the world latley. None too good. Obama is beginning to show his true colors and the American public is starting to see him for the communist that he is. I'm still fighting for the right to be a real pain to those who feel they are in "power". The windmill fight is picking up again and I'm in conversation with the NAACP about who the racists REALLY are. The president of that organization wrote me personally to argue his case. I was surprised such a highly placed figure would care about the views of a very ordinary, white, middle-aged man from the midwest.

Still fooling with the damn doctors about my injuries. My wrist is doing well. My shoulder is starting to be less painful and maybe a bit stronger, hard to tell. My neck is still giving me trouble and the headaches are wearisome. I can't seem to get anyone to give it any time. I go back in August, maybe then. I'm tired of being in pain, tired of being off work, and tired of being at the mercy of some bimbo at an insurance company in Iowa for my livlihood. It's been over a year now. Why they can't seem to work on more than one thing at a time is beyond me.

I know God has a plan for me. I wish I was wise enough to figure it out. It's hard to hold on to my faith when things start to pile up. I hope He forgives my unfaithfulness.